Falling apart

Rushing, and racing and running in circles
moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
I'm getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
try to appear like I've got it together

I'm falling apart

I wish it wasn't just me who cared.

Don’t you just hate that feeling where you feel like you are slowly drifting apart from someone you used to be so close with?

That one person who you could talk to for hours on end on the phone, never about anything interesting, only because you needed to hear their voice. That one person you could call at any time of night and they wouldn’t mind? Even if you both sat there in silence, somehow, the breathing on the other end of the line was comforting to you.

So what happens when it all begins to change? That the only reason you still talk occasionally is because you are making such an effort to keep all the pieces together?

Well sometimes it hurts a little. But most of the time it hurts a lot. And when both of you finally stop caring, a small piece feels as though it has been broken off, shattered, just waiting to be mended again. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t only me who cared.

Look at the keyboard, it has U and I together. Look underneath that, it says JK. Next to that spells LOL, and ends with a :P

HAHAHA <3

Pointless rant

I honestly do not get it.

Why are ALL guys interested in all the fake ho bags at our school? Are they seriously that shallow, and stupid? Just because they all dress the same, wear to much make up, and flirt with every single guys, DOES NOT mean that that are good people.

I have, in fact, witnessed them stabbing friends in the back, and walking up to that certain girl and pretending to be best friends. It's so cruel, and idiotic. I mean GROW UP. Just because you are too insecure about yourself and stupid, doesn't mean you should hurt your friends. Or anyone, for that matter.

GAH. I don't get why guys like girls like this so much! I kind of just want to punch them...

But I still can't help but getting a little jealous. Especially when I see them talking to you.

PLEASE see through their fake, flirty, ho bag act. Please, see that I'm not like that. I would care about you, for YOU, and not just for the sake of a good make out session, or because you're "SOOOO HOT", as they would put it. Why is it so hard to see that I honestly care about?

Because apparently, it's pretty hard.

:\

Who wants perfect?

i don't want a serious relationship; i'm a teenager. i want someone who i can act completely myself around, that we can spend hours just talking about the most pointless things. i want someone who makes me laugh, and who i can plan stupid things with that'll never happen. because i'm sick of seeing these movies with the girl falling in love with the perfect boy. who wants perfect? i want an adventure. i want someone who i can tell my secrets to, and waster my weekend with and act like we're 5 years old again. i want to have fun.

What I want.

i want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. a boy who will sing to me at random moments. who lets me sleep on his chest. i want a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. bring me soup or orange juice when i’m sick. i want a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. i want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. a boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times i tell him its okay, he’d still do it. a boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything i say. a boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when i acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. who will bet kisses on who could beat who on at game. who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. a boy who will surprise me with 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. a boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. i want a boy who, at night, who will dance in his pajamas with me. a boy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. a boy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. who will kiss me in the pouring rain. i want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. i want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. someone who would never be afraid to say i love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. i want a boy who will take me to target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. someone who will kiss me at midnight on new years and who will make funny faces at me when i’m on the phone. i want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. i want a boy who will stay home with me on a friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after i’ve got him soaked. i want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. a boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. i want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when i’m sick, and would play with my hair. but mostly i want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me.

The little things.

Today, you asked why I painted my jeans blue and pink, when they already had white on them. I giggled. YEAH, I KNOW, GIGGLED. How lame am I... And told you that those were a different pair.

It makes me happy that you notice the little things like that.

I don't know why I get my hopes up though. I know we won't happen.

Even if you ever did like me again, which I highly doubt would happen, no one would ever accept us together. All of my friends hate you. We belong to two totally separate groups. We would be extremely shunned if we ever got together. I know I shouldn't let anyone but me control my decision, but they are my friends and I care about their opinion. Probably more than I should, but still.

I feel like such a horrible person when I wish you and your girlfriend would break up. She seems like a really like girl, and you guys seem rather happy. I feel so selfish. And I`m really not enjoying it.